I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
