i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
