I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
