Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
