John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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