Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
