hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
