so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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