I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
