I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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