elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
