Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There are leaves in my underwear?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
