Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
