please come you make the beer taste better
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize