My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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