You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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