my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Randomize
