he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
