ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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