so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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