He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In America we eat man semen.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I currently don't understand fingers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
