Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
