He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
