i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
