My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
