Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
