..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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