he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
