my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
