BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
