True but thats because hes a fetus.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
