have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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