Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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