I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
