I feel like abortions should bother me more
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
