And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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