Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
