Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
