I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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