with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
