Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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