Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
