He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
