So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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