Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
