She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
