meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
