I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
