Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
