never play flip cup with pint glasses
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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