I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
