Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
