just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
