You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
