she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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