i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
