Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
