Sry I called you an 8
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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