I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Randomize
