I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
