he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
