She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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