Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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