East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.