Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
