Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂