ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."