Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.