the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
