...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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