after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
