I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
