He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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