I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
