I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
