My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
