Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
