I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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