Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
