dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
