Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
